Saturday, July 22, 2006

A day early/My blank cell

Guess what? I'm not supposed to be at the Folk School until tomorrow. I was all packed and ready to go this morning when my ride didn't show up, so I gave him a call and low and behold we are leaving TOMMOROW! So right now today feels like a blank comic cell, nothing filled in, nothing planned, just space. That's a new feeling for me. My brain is this, and this and this and this. I am just doing nothing which feels good for the moment.

Here's something I have been thinking about: As I've said before I've been journaling since 11 grade. I've never really gone back and read any of my journals. I don't intend to either. I do know that for the last 7 or 8 years my journaling has dealt with my "issues", things I've wanted to improve about myself, my co dependancey, guilt, worry, family stuff, work stuff, in general lots of psychological dealings. This has been good in many ways and has provided much personal growth. But after a while it seems it's all I write about. I am getting tired of it and I think I'm getting ready to change the way I journal.

What will be different? Well for one there will be more drawing, listing, playing, cutting and pasting, maybe even some color. It will (hopefully) be more positive, about living in the moment, and about being creative. It will be about accepting where I am at the moment. How awesome and healing that will be? Lots I imagine. It will be Fun. There will be NO judgement. I will banish the little voice in my head that says, 'someone will see this someday', or 'that's no good, better not do it'.

I think now is a good time to begin this, there are some things changing in my life, slowly. Much of it is just acceptance. Other things are: Sarah finishing school, us deciding to live here for several more years, making new friends, drawing and doing more creative work other than just making pots, looking forward to travelling, having a new dog, getting ready to lose another, and taking action in general.

So today I'll enjoy my blank cell for awhile then I'll begin to fill it in alittle at a time.